…Why? I thought I was able to let go of this pattern of thinking. I don’t need to know, I’m trying to give myself the room I need. Remind myself of all the knowledge I’ve gathered but still I take the ‘pros & cons’ -list out of my pocket and I start to list of things just to alter it more to the ‘pro’ side because I don’t want to let go the thought of you. My mind is most of the time looking to the future. I want to see all the potential, all the potential there is in one. Can’t you see what I can see? My subjective reality calculates what you could be, not who you’ve been or what are you now, it sees one only full of possibilities. What this makes out of me? Naive? I paint pictures with such a big brush of potential that at times I forget the realities of the world and the fact that I’m not a fortuneteller.But still, I want to know, who you are? Who you could be? I want to see, how you bloom and why? I’m riding with those undertones. Why you became the person you’re? Because what I see is something extraordinary. Is it only my mind playing tricks with me? I find everyone interesting by default and I’m curious about others but…if you can break into the field that surrounds me, the field that is built on experiences, freedom, and independence, you’ve made it to a land that is sacred to me. If I would stop for a moment for you, that is like I would give a piece of my core to share with you. It is more than the combination of the sacred. But it does bother me, will I ever find it comfortable to stay still long enough to give you a chance to build a home next to me?I keep guessing, I keep searching. How does it feel like to take a leap to the unknown with someone? I’m looking back, I know how to leave all you have built and take a leap into unknown. Oh, it feels like riding on a unicorn in a sky that is coloured by rainbows and at the same time it is painful as walking on a thin ice and drop into the deadly cold water. You wrap all the life you’ve had and say goodbye to the person you were. You re-learn yourself, it is an agonising but rewarding process. What are the possibilities when you mix two people into this soup? Potential, huge amount of potential but will our past always hunt us down like an arrow find its way in the hand of an archer to its prey and mix the soup with spices of our past disappointments, hurt, suspicious and fear?Pics are from Helsinki, Finland.
I’ve got a few questions relating ‘42’ and where it is coming from so I thought I would give you a bit more of me in the following post. I hope it clears ‘42’ a bit more and why I’ve chosen to approach writing and this channel the way I’ve done it. In any case, I’ve always wanted to be able to make people think, discuss and share their views of life, opinions and well just anything. I’m by nature curious. Writing for me is a way to put my thoughts together in a slower and more throughout way as I’m in real life conversations usually quick and vocal. Writing nurtures the other side of me. It is a way for me to express myself with time and thought. Therefore, my writing shares a quite a different side of me, something that is not evident in me at a first glance nor you might not even see it even if you know me. However, I don’t want this blog to be solely about me, it is one way for me to explore ‘42’ but just to give some insights about me (I feel super awkward when photographed, I can work selfies but when I need to pose for someone else, well see below):I cry when I feel that the burden of the world or society is too much for me to take. I lock myself inside of my house for a weekend when I feel that I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I open like a rose when I meet a person I feel comfortable with but at the same time I might just turn into an iceberg when I feel the opposite. I try to be the open-minded person and try to be aware of my prejudices but still, I fail at times and make assumptions that might not hold true in that specific situation. I want to have a career and be independent as fuck but at the same time I want to buy tickets to the Maldives with you and spend two weeks between sheets and ocean. I want to be able to do things alone but I still miss you by my side during the nights. I know how to be extra but still, I wish that for you I will be enough without icing on the cake. I try my best to be there for my friends and family, the gratefulness of having people around that takes you as who you are is huge but still, at the times, I fail to be a good person towards them.I get excited about things aka hyped up and when I do I’m unstoppable but I do have days when I wonder why on earth I’m even trying. I have a constant battle within me about ‘staying’ and ‘going’ and I can’t live without either one of them. I’m confident, honest and straight but at the same time, I’m insecure, shy and quiet. I wonder almost daily, why are we here? What is the reason we act in certain ways? Are we really so simple that we run around after our instincts? Whose illusion I’m living? With whose eyes I’m seeing myself? What am I doing here (literally)? Who is this person, why he/she is as they are? What should I eat today? What book I should pick up next? Should I really publish this text? How will I make my quota this month? Why he/she is not getting it? Why I’m not getting it? How I should approach certain topic to make my point clear? How can I actively listen, when I’m so horny I can’t even stay still? Did I say the right thing? How can I make myself understand the world better? What is the hidden agenda in this text/speech/conversation? Why I feel lost? What do I want from life? How to accept that you’re not able to grasp anything as a whole you only have a fraction of everything, even yourself? What ‘time’ means? What is wrong with me? Why I feel so insecure about my looks today? Why do I like this person? Why he/she is not seeing the potential in them I see? Am I stupid? How can I be more gentle towards myself? Where can I find a good cup of coffee? What is the meaning of life? 42.42, is from Douglas Adams: Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, it is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. I find numbers fascinating, they really don’t tell anything before you choose to build a story around them and well, then my 42 looks quite different from yours, doesn’t it? Further, I also like the light-hearted joke in the ‘42’ as it is not telling anything, even though it is is a solid scientific answer. So, I can approach ‘42’ with a light heart, with a seriousness it needs but embrace the irony, complexity, and paradoxes it brings to me. I could call this blog ‘Meaning of life by miladyopri’ but it really sounds dull, it doesn’t resonate the same way as 42.
Any questions? Leave a comment I try to answer.
Pictures are from beloved Helsinki, Finland.
I could not do anything else than let it all go or was it only a brief idea to let it all go but I just ended up putting on virtual reality gadgets just to forget all of this. Nothing really matters as soon as I get rid of the emptiness that I carry, please give me anything that makes me ignore the questions and answers I’m supposed to have answers for or I think I should have answers for. You make me flow and I don’t even know you but I wish I could understand how you make my whole body bloom. How you make me get in lost in a moment where my past doesn’t mean anything and there is no future, yet. Nothing matters. What is the trick? I keep moving forward and ask myself, why? Soon as the reality kicks in I’m paralysed. One, none and thousand thoughts running in my mind and I try to catch the so-called voice within.
I fight against all of it and I tied the knot with my backpack a long time ago. It gives one that newlywed glow. Flying over the moon and back with the destined soulmate they write all the songs for. It seems that you’ve calculated the perfect trajectory to fly over life. Fly like an eagle, swim like a shark, do everything so effortlessly like it would be natural to you. You start to believe the illusion you’ve created for yourself until you’re caught without a guard. Who are you then? Do we just change the virtual reality glasses to another pair, tell everyone that we are now enlightened? That things we didn’t understand before are now clear. We develop, grow, move forward… or do we just stay in the same place and change those glasses to trick ourselves to think we are ‘developing’?You’re pushed to change, you hear ‘only change is permanent’, it is like knowing oneself has become something you can consume. Meaning, that ‘being oneself’ is reduced to a concept that will give clear ROI numbers. However, at the same time, it reduces the way one is seen and packs all of it into tightly predetermined categories. I want to get rid off those chains I’ve created for myself and those once that lurked into my life by the idea of whom I’m supposed to be in this world. But I don’t want to rebel, I want to understand myself, not through commercialised images of ‘self-development’, out of context ‘empowering’ memes or books that will let you know that you’re or not special snowflake but by dropping myself into the ocean and seek deep. I seek an answer for; who am I? Not who I am through someone else’s virtual reality glasses.
Pictures are from Sant’elia and Scilla, Calabria, Italy.
I’m wondering, how did I end up here? Just to notice that I miss home. Home, such a weird word for me, I thought I would never experience such a thing. I thought I would feel like an outsider everywhere for the rest of my life but suddenly, like a plot twist, I realised that I miss Helsinki. All of it grew stronger while I was visiting Finland during the winter holidays. Home, could it be that even though I’ve tried to find it in more than one corner in this world, it was right in front of my eyes. And I don’t want to twist it, I needed all the memories to come to the point in my life where I could say; MAYBE it is Helsinki where I should be. Maybe, because to be sure is like saying never, that kind of a commitment to one place is too much. I cannot say ‘I would never live anywhere else than…’ that would be self-denial. But at the moment, for this time and place, it feels right. And that is new too, that something feels right.
I left Finland a year ago because I missed adventure but what kind of an adventure I missed? I think I’ve got it twisted, I’ve always had my way to go, my trademark. Whenever, wherever I can go but what it means to stay? My way to build life has been in ‘go’ not in ‘stay’. Looking from a different perspective, it might seem that you need courage and fearlessness to live in different countries or study in different languages but to me, this is the norm, to me ‘stay’ means courage and fearlessness. I’ve never demand such a thing from myself, I feel that it would take away part of my freedom. And to feel free…freedom is something that I value highly. However, could it be that these two things can be present in my life at the same time? It’s like having my roots on the ground but my head up in the sky. Can ‘stay’ and ‘free’ be merged together or is this a classic example of trying to eat two cakes at the same time?
I’m willing to try and balance this out in Helsinki. It took me some time and unexpected happenings last year to end up applying for roles back in Finland. And I did put my name into a contract for a new job last week and made the decision to come home. How it is going to unfold from here, I don’t know, I wish though to find a piece of ‘stay’ in me without compromising my freedom. That is the recipe I’ve tried to create and it seems that with try and error I’ve started to find ingredients I need to create a life that smells, tastes and looks like me.
Copenhagen, you’re a stunning little city. You amaze me every day with your colourfulness and petite outlook. The lively yet relaxed atmosphere in cafes, restaurants and cocktail bars gives a bit of an edge to this place. You’re welcoming but you’re a lot like your Nordic cousin, more than you probably realise. It is extremely hard to crack your ice and it takes time and hard work, in a way you seem a bit weird but different way than strangeness in Helsinki. But still, your strangeness is endearing and it makes you who you are. I’m extremely proud that I have stories to tell from two Nordic systems and I’m honoured to have the opportunity to live my life in countries that share same value ground. But it is time to say goodbye at least for now, therefore I decided to blast rest of the post with pictures from last year. Just because you’re awesome, look at you, you little big thing! Look how much you’ve given to me, more than I can express with my words. You will always stay in my memories as a place of growth. And yes, you did introduce intuition back into my decision making.
And to feel free…
In spite of my last post, I decided to continue to talk a bit about the cafe culture here in Copenhagen. Today, I went to Mad & Kaffe. I’ve been postponing my visit for an almost a year because the place is in Vesterbro (just to Google a bit around now to notice that there is another location in Amagerbro…) which is in another side of the town from where I live. The visit was good, although I had to wait for a nice while outside because the place was jam-packed but luckily I got blanket to keep myself warm before getting a seat. Mad & Kaffe has a nice menu, you choose 3-7 different dishes for a brunch. Besides this you can order beverages, I had a coffee as per usual and 5 different dishes.
I see why it is one of ‘the places’ to get a brunch in Copenhagen. All the dishes are well thought out, they are not too big or small in terms of the size, spices and ingredients are complementary to each other (like I would know that much about food, but aye! at least I’m trying :D) and dishes are served on a wooden platter. I don’t know from where this trend started but it is part of the scene now and I don’t complain, I like it, a girl from the woods likes wood, what a surprise!
Back to the Mad&Kaffe, the atmosphere within the cafe is warm and welcoming. It could be described as hipster like but I think it goes beyond that, it is more of a good top 10 hit song. There is something for everyone without compromising the concept. Everything runs smoothly as a hit song is supposed to, you get different flavours but they are not too weird for you to understand but at the same time there is that little something that makes it stand out from the crowd. It is a place where you want to go to have a nice set of different tastes made out from good ingredients but if you’re looking for an experience that shakes you to the core, like a song you need to listen 10 times before you get even a grip to understand what is going on, Mad&Kaffe would not be the place.
However, Mad&Kaffe is definitely one of the best places I’ve visited in Copenhagen for a brunch, coffee was also exceptionally good for a place that is more known for their food. It was right there in quality with cafes solely based in terms of coffee. Should I try to get there again and possibly earlier than a year from now? Definitely.
It has been a while since my last post about coffee. I thought it would be a good idea to start this year with another post about the cafes in Copenhagen. You can find my earlier post about coffee from Copenhagen in here (and two previous once from Helsinki in here and here)! And as per usual, if there is a place I should definitely visit, let me know. I’m always hunting ‘a damn fine cup of coffee’.
I love small places with comfy atmosphere combined with a nice menu and good coffee. At the moment, I must say that one of the nicest experiences from Copenhagen in terms of service, atmosphere, and the food was in the Next Door Cafe. I love coziness, service that is welcoming but not too formal, this is exactly a place where you want to go to have that informal, unique kind of experience. You’re treated like a friend and what I loved about the staff was that they didn’t have a certain uniform or look, everyone was who they are and it just added a little spice into the mix. The place is like a good old rock song, it always gets you going, gives the boost you need and afterward you feel a bit younger. I had pancakes, juice, and coffee for a late breakfast. In terms of coffee, it was good a bit too hot for my taste (there is a high chance that steamed milk which is too hot will give a burn taste and diminish actual taste of the bean…) but in this case, it was nice cup of coffee, not perfect but hey, if the playlist includes classics like Video kill the radio star or The Passenger you can’t help but put that 4 star stamp on it.
I’ve visited in several cafes from The Coffee Collective in Copenhagen. My latest try was in Bernikow shop, it is a nice place with also a cocktail menu. If we get back to music, Nina Simone’s tunes were playing whole time I was visiting, therefore I can only give credit to having one of my favourite singers supplementing my morning coffee. The place itself is a mix of harbour themed paintings, with wood and green from the plants that are placed all over the shop. I’m trying to find the words to describe the place, it somehow reminded me of an old jazz restaurant, with a hint from botanical gardens and spiced up with a bit of modernity. One could call it sophisticated, but by no means it is stubborn. It is a place, where you have life, but not too much noise, you can sit and relax, drink your coffee and enjoy some jazz melodies at the same time. Coffee is one of the best in town and croissant was delicious.
Comparing these two cafes is like trying to compare Iggy Pop to Edith Piaf, both of them are great but in such a different way, that it comes more to personal preferences rather than actual differences in quality. If you’re looking for a place to have nice food in a relaxed, informal atmosphere you would choose Next Door Cafe, but if you’re looking for an excellent cup of coffee, you would go and get it from The Coffee Collective. Both of them are superb but on their own terms.
Paris was stunning, just like I remembered. It was magical to see 14th of July celebration in France. We started evening with picnic (including some cheese, crackers and champagne) and made our move to Champ De Mars afterwards. I remember Eiffel Tower’s surroundings quite well from 2013 when I first visited Paris. Back then I was amazed of it all but there was something special this time around. We walked whole day in a perfect weather from alley to alley and I had camera glued to me. You know, one of those moments you share with someone and you think still after days and weeks; were we actually there? Was it real? One of the best things about traveling is to experience something new, something that is different from what you are used to. 14th of July this year included the best parts of traveling and sharing it all with a good friend. Not much more you can ask for a memory?
First things first, you know that you speak Finnish on a ‘fast mode’ when security person asks: are you from Italy? This happened when we entered Champ De Mars. In Finland Independence Day celebration is devoted and quiet. It is about getting together, eating well, burning two candles and watching president shaking hands with people. Although, one factor could be that this day is in December, which of course makes it a tap too cold season to celebrate outside in our levels (and I do love the way we celebrate Independence Day). Which in contrast made Paris experience so special, because setting, weather and atmosphere were so divergence from Finnish way. Luckily I had someone with me to translate everything, it does make a difference to have someone with you that understands the local language. And well, those fireworks were stunning:
I’ve been thinking what it is with traveling, why do I love it? And I haven’t find the answer to that question yet but what I’ve come peace with lately is my wondering heart. My wondering heart is still exploring and it might continue this wondering for the rest of my life. But what is different now is that I’m starting to accept this, I’m on a process where I can accept that I don’t know where I see myself settling down. Accept that I don’t know where my place is. But I will keep wondering, I will keep exploring and maybe one day I notice I’m right there where I’m supposed to be. But before that, I will go back to memory land and post some pics from Paris ❤
Last weekend I was visiting Bologna, Italy and while enjoying the food (usually one would add weather too, but it was raining for four days 😀 like cats and dogs) and company of my beloved friend we ended up talking also a lot about fear.
There is a certain amount of not so nice words clouding around the word. It is also a powerful force over others, if you create and spread fear it will most likely grow. But how do we deal with it? What it is exactly we fear? Often it is said it is new or unfamiliar that gets into our guts. But is that true? Is it really the new we fear or old coming to an end? Nonetheless the situation, it is always hard to let go of old; good, neutral or bad. As life per usual there is no incident that would not mix all of these shades together. End result is always grey even though we would view world in that particular moment white or black. This is a plot twist we could easily forget when we are dealing with life. Although when one has seen that things can change but one can never be sure in that exact moment that things will ever be as they are; they could turn out to be anything. It is the instability of life that makes it same time so damn hard to cope with but at the same time such a blossoming experience, because everything could change in a heartbeat.
More years I’ve gotten under my belt, more complex world has changed to me but at the same time life has transferred simpler for myself. I’m not sure is this due to this life long journey into oneself. You try to find that balance inside and learn to showcase love above all towards yourself so that one day you will be able to fully demonstrate it towards everyone else. Same time you learn that there is no such thing as objectivity, all situations are related to subjectivity therefore it is hard to sometimes understand others behaviour because they are not in line with our reality, which of course is subject to our inner world and has nothing to do with objectivity (same time it gives an answer, not towards certain behaviour but answer that makes it easier to let go of not understanding).
It is like this text, it is my subjective idea of whatever the topic is in here and one who reads this will interpret that against their reality. My inner reality looks most likely a lot different than yours, so are we on a same page? Or even reading same book? We would not know because our journeys looks so different, our experiences has an effect on us and as much as we work with ourselves, as much as we try to be objective we might never reach level of pure objectivity (I don’t want to say never, it is too final, end, omega, dot too ultimate). But it does not mean we should not try to be objective or that we should always be objective. We should be aware of the effects that might alter our reality, so in certain moments we won’t repeat our lives like auto pilots.
It is a huge burden placed on others if we expect them to prove our own prejudices wrong, especially if we look every single detail on that new person with a glasses someone else in our past made for us. It will tell more about that person in our past rather than the new person we are getting to know. But more importantly it might make us see others in a wrong light, not because they would be anything like that person in our past but because of something in that moment reminds us from our prior life. In those situations, are we supposed to trust our instinct? Is our instinct right? Or is our instinct actually moving us further away from something we actual need because of fear?
Pics are from Bologna, Italy
Last weekend I went to Helsingør with my colleague. This little city absolutely stole my heart and will be on a revisit list for summer. Besides numerous ‘to be or not to be’ –liners I dropped the whole day, I literally could not let go of my camera. Kronborg’s castle is what Helsingør is known for (or at least one of those things) and Hamlet is pretty much present everywhere in the city. Kronborg’s castle and its surroundings reminded me a bit of Suomenlinna Sea Fortress in Helsinki (absolutely in top 3 places to visit when in Helsinki during summer time).
You can see from Helsingør to Helsingborg and the ferries go between Denmark and Sweden regularly. I think it will be a good idea to make a short visit to Helsingborg next time, it has been a too long while since I’ve visited the neighbour (although Malmö might happen before Helsingborg). Besides the harbour and Kronborg castle what really strikes out in Helsingør is the old city. Buildings looks like they are from a cartoon, it feels like you would be inside of a story. Every building is different colour and it feels like you should take a picture of every single alley you see. It is a good idea to prepare a power bank and full battery for a camera with a decent size memory card in it for the day.
City is easy to reach from Copenhagen central station and with a tourist tickets (24/72h ones for zones 1-99) it is cheap to get there and you can travel with the same ticket inside of Copenhagen also. Definitely a day trip you might want to squeeze in if traveling to the capitol of Denmark.