I could not do anything else than let it all go or was it only a brief idea to let it all go but I just ended up putting on virtual reality gadgets just to forget all of this. Nothing really matters as soon as I get rid of the emptiness that I carry, please give me anything that makes me ignore the questions and answers I’m supposed to have answers for or I think I should have answers for. You make me flow and I don’t even know you but I wish I could understand how you make my whole body bloom. How you make me get in lost in a moment where my past doesn’t mean anything and there is no future, yet. Nothing matters. What is the trick? I keep moving forward and ask myself, why? Soon as the reality kicks in I’m paralysed. One, none and thousand thoughts running in my mind and I try to catch the so-called voice within.
I fight against all of it and I tied the knot with my backpack a long time ago. It gives one that newlywed glow. Flying over the moon and back with the destined soulmate they write all the songs for. It seems that you’ve calculated the perfect trajectory to fly over life. Fly like an eagle, swim like a shark, do everything so effortlessly like it would be natural to you. You start to believe the illusion you’ve created for yourself until you’re caught without a guard. Who are you then? Do we just change the virtual reality glasses to another pair, tell everyone that we are now enlightened? That things we didn’t understand before are now clear. We develop, grow, move forward… or do we just stay in the same place and change those glasses to trick ourselves to think we are ‘developing’?You’re pushed to change, you hear ‘only change is permanent’, it is like knowing oneself has become something you can consume. Meaning, that ‘being oneself’ is reduced to a concept that will give clear ROI numbers. However, at the same time, it reduces the way one is seen and packs all of it into tightly predetermined categories. I want to get rid off those chains I’ve created for myself and those once that lurked into my life by the idea of whom I’m supposed to be in this world. But I don’t want to rebel, I want to understand myself, not through commercialised images of ‘self-development’, out of context ‘empowering’ memes or books that will let you know that you’re or not special snowflake but by dropping myself into the ocean and seek deep. I seek an answer for; who am I? Not who I am through someone else’s virtual reality glasses.
Pictures are from Sant’elia and Scilla, Calabria, Italy.
Last weekend I was visiting Bologna, Italy and while enjoying the food (usually one would add weather too, but it was raining for four days 😀 like cats and dogs) and company of my beloved friend we ended up talking also a lot about fear.
There is a certain amount of not so nice words clouding around the word. It is also a powerful force over others, if you create and spread fear it will most likely grow. But how do we deal with it? What it is exactly we fear? Often it is said it is new or unfamiliar that gets into our guts. But is that true? Is it really the new we fear or old coming to an end? Nonetheless the situation, it is always hard to let go of old; good, neutral or bad. As life per usual there is no incident that would not mix all of these shades together. End result is always grey even though we would view world in that particular moment white or black. This is a plot twist we could easily forget when we are dealing with life. Although when one has seen that things can change but one can never be sure in that exact moment that things will ever be as they are; they could turn out to be anything. It is the instability of life that makes it same time so damn hard to cope with but at the same time such a blossoming experience, because everything could change in a heartbeat.
More years I’ve gotten under my belt, more complex world has changed to me but at the same time life has transferred simpler for myself. I’m not sure is this due to this life long journey into oneself. You try to find that balance inside and learn to showcase love above all towards yourself so that one day you will be able to fully demonstrate it towards everyone else. Same time you learn that there is no such thing as objectivity, all situations are related to subjectivity therefore it is hard to sometimes understand others behaviour because they are not in line with our reality, which of course is subject to our inner world and has nothing to do with objectivity (same time it gives an answer, not towards certain behaviour but answer that makes it easier to let go of not understanding).
It is like this text, it is my subjective idea of whatever the topic is in here and one who reads this will interpret that against their reality. My inner reality looks most likely a lot different than yours, so are we on a same page? Or even reading same book? We would not know because our journeys looks so different, our experiences has an effect on us and as much as we work with ourselves, as much as we try to be objective we might never reach level of pure objectivity (I don’t want to say never, it is too final, end, omega, dot too ultimate). But it does not mean we should not try to be objective or that we should always be objective. We should be aware of the effects that might alter our reality, so in certain moments we won’t repeat our lives like auto pilots.
It is a huge burden placed on others if we expect them to prove our own prejudices wrong, especially if we look every single detail on that new person with a glasses someone else in our past made for us. It will tell more about that person in our past rather than the new person we are getting to know. But more importantly it might make us see others in a wrong light, not because they would be anything like that person in our past but because of something in that moment reminds us from our prior life. In those situations, are we supposed to trust our instinct? Is our instinct right? Or is our instinct actually moving us further away from something we actual need because of fear?
Pics are from Bologna, Italy