I caught myself in a moment where I started to question humanity. I’ve been in this place so many times before, and I would assure that this particular incident would not change, how I feel about people. But in that fine minute I wanted to. I wanted to just give up, pack up my stuff and move into island far far away. Place, where I wouldn’t have to deal with anyone, or anyone’s behaviour. Where I wouldn’t have to use energy day after day to solve any major conflicts. Where I wouldn’t have to block bad energy, just to keep myself sane.


There was a time, when I believed that with good energy you could just block that black. But after this year, I’ve noticed that is not the truth. Not at least, when there is only black in someone. Time after time, you notice that there is no way to change someone, or even wake them up to see. One can only change themselves, one can only wake up. But there is not going to be a kiss that will transfer this ‘dream’ we call life into fairy-tale, or a superhero who will fight their way to save you. Or someone who would stay by your side, if you choose to spread black anywhere you go and on anyone you happen to bomb into.


Why would I talk about black and not negativity? Because emotions are right, there is place for negativity, anger, frustration, bitterness, unfairness…But when someone is living for those things. It is like someone would walk into a room, and opening a black paint and spreading it all over anyone. It is those moments when someone finds complaining about ice-cream worthwhile. When all the joy, passion and love for life has vanished from someone and they’re left only with bitterness of the things that have been happening to them, or are happening to them.


Life is about choices, and everyone needs to take the responsibility of their actions. I’ve made the sacrifice of not being in Europe, not to see close when people I care and love grow up, make big life changes, graduates from schools… and I do live with it all the time, but I made the choice. Therefore, I either have to accept that, or make a change. We shouldn’t stuck in places that don’t feel worth to be in, not worth to live in. We shouldn’t fear about future (if someone can please remind me about this next time I’m thinking about this 4 am and can’t get sleep) and possible change, if we’re not feeling well we need change. Everyone should learn to be alone, find themselves and after that spread all that good energy around them. Because in the end, we choose what we want to spread to people around us. In the end, it is our choice to poison others, or nourish them.