42

I’ve got a few questions relating ‘42’ and where it is coming from so I thought I would give you a bit more of me in the following post. I hope it clears ‘42’ a bit more and why I’ve chosen to approach writing and this channel the way I’ve done it. In any case, I’ve always wanted to be able to make people think, discuss and share their views of life, opinions and well just anything. I’m by nature curious. Writing for me is a way to put my thoughts together in a slower and more throughout way as I’m in real life conversations usually quick and vocal. Writing nurtures the other side of me. It is a way for me to express myself with time and thought. Therefore, my writing shares a quite a different side of me, something that is not evident in me at a first glance nor you might not even see it even if you know me. However, I don’t want this blog to be solely about me, it is one way for me to explore ‘42’ but just to give some insights about me (I feel super awkward when photographed, I can work selfies but when I need to pose for someone else, well see below):1392953211I cry when I feel that the burden of the world or society is too much for me to take. I lock myself inside of my house for a weekend when I feel that I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I open like a rose when I meet a person I feel comfortable with but at the same time I might just turn into an iceberg when I feel the opposite. I try to be the open-minded person and try to be aware of my prejudices but still, I fail at times and make assumptions that might not hold true in that specific situation. I want to have a career and be independent as fuck but at the same time I want to buy tickets to the Maldives with you and spend two weeks between sheets and ocean. I want to be able to do things alone but I still miss you by my side during the nights. I know how to be extra but still, I wish that for you I will be enough without icing on the cake. I try my best to be there for my friends and family, the gratefulness of having people around that takes you as who you are is huge but still, at the times, I fail to be a good person towards them.1336614645I get excited about things aka hyped up and when I do I’m unstoppable but I do have days when I wonder why on earth I’m even trying. I have a constant battle within me about ‘staying’ and ‘going’ and I can’t live without either one of them. I’m confident, honest and straight but at the same time, I’m insecure, shy and quiet. I wonder almost daily, why are we here? What is the reason we act in certain ways? Are we really so simple that we run around after our instincts? Whose illusion I’m living? With whose eyes I’m seeing myself? What am I doing here (literally)? Who is this person, why he/she is as they are? What should I eat today? What book I should pick up next? Should I really publish this text? How will I make my quota this month? Why he/she is not getting it? Why I’m not getting it? How I should approach certain topic to make my point clear? How can I actively listen, when I’m so horny I can’t even stay still? Did I say the right thing? How can I make myself understand the world better? What is the hidden agenda in this text/speech/conversation? Why I feel lost? What do I want from life? How to accept that you’re not able to grasp anything as a whole you only have a fraction of everything, even yourself? What ‘time’ means? What is wrong with me? Why I feel so insecure about my looks today? Why do I like this person? Why he/she is not seeing the potential in them I see? Am I stupid? How can I be more gentle towards myself? Where can I find a good cup of coffee? What is the meaning of life? 42.31778968942, is from Douglas Adams: Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, it is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. I find numbers fascinating, they really don’t tell anything before you choose to build a story around them and well, then my 42 looks quite different from yours, doesn’t it? Further, I also like the light-hearted joke in the ‘42’ as it is not telling anything, even though it is is a solid scientific answer. So, I can approach ‘42’ with a light heart, with a seriousness it needs but embrace the irony, complexity, and paradoxes it brings to me. I could call this blog ‘Meaning of life by miladyopri’ but it really sounds dull, it doesn’t resonate the same way as 42.

Any questions? Leave a comment I try to answer.

Pictures are from beloved Helsinki, Finland.

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“Life, the Universe, and Everything. There is an answer. But, I’ll have to think about it”

“Life, the Universe, and Everything. There is an answer. But, I’ll have to think about it” – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

I’ve been writing my old blog for about year now, somehow I started to feel that the name and feeling of it was too much tied to Nottingham and my time being in there. This is why, I decided to create a new blog. I thought about it a quite long time, but somehow name and quote from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy just came to me. It explains my feelings and life right now pretty well, so I wanted to give it a shot. I have no clue, is anything else changing than layout but this just feels more comfortable (same time scary, just like my life…that is the combo).

Shenzhen

I have not introduced Shenzhen well enough yet, or at least I feel like it. I’ve been concentrating on work and uni lately, and everything else have been on ‘pause’, and I start to feel that. If I don’t have time for my natural ‘creative me time’ I get anxious. I decided that I will take the time to create and make changes to the outlook of the blog. But now when everything is all settled with that, I could actually give some insight to the city I call ‘home’ right now (will see how long, I will call it a ‘home’… but that is an another story).

Shenzhen2

I’ve unnoticed took some stereotypes of mainlanders. Moment when you’re at the border of HK and China and you find yourself standing in a place which says ‘No waiting’ and next to you is a security guy, and you just chill out and listen to music, just like every other person who is waiting to get their friend or family through the border (we have to minus the fact that I did not have a trolley with me, but let’s forgive that). Or the moment when you squeeze from places you would never think that you could squeeze before…or when you thought in your previous mind set that ‘this tube is full’, no it wasn’t full it was half empty. It is ridiculous how many can fit into one MTR (yes, I’m looking at you Blue line, try Lao Jie and last train of the night). Sometimes, even I go ‘is that a western person?!’ and look at them like it would be weird to saw one in Longgang.

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Shenzhen to me is: loud, sometimes dirty, people everywhere, chicken and other animals too in the streets and in supermarkets (it is so weird to see that…), you pay 10RMB for a food and it is better than basically 80% of the Chinese food I have had in Finland, people smiling and giving giggle look when you try to communicate with Mandarin (I’m pro already, I don’t say anymore ‘this, thank you’ in restaurants when I’m making order, I can do ‘one portion of this, take away, thank you), you never know what is going to happen in one night, next day place you go for lunch may not have stairs anymore (true story) , or fence which is going over the office might have a door in it (it was not there last night), or maybe there is a building that was not there the other day. There is chaos every morning in Buji, it is like a jungle you have to look everywhere, and by that I don’t mean the regular Finnish style of crossing the streets (for those who have no idea what this is, this is how crossing a street is teach to us: first you look left, then right and then again left, if there is no cars you can carefully cross the street). In here you need to have eyes in your back too (and of course the light in the middle is so short that everyone is having a 100 m race to get to the other side, before it turns into red).

Shenzhen4

Size of the city is huge, there is everything. If you’re in a need of a holiday you just go to Shekou, any of the OCT:s, Grand Theater or Window of the world (just to name few…). Those are the places I go when I need bit of a rest from everything I stated above, or just for the sake to get myself out of this world (by that I don’t mean Coco Park and bar street, I was actually talking about my Kindle, coffee and muffin form Starbucks in Grand Theater). This city has everything you thought there is, and everything that you did not know that even exists. All of this won’t mean that there is no cons. There is, as much as I love this city, it has remind me of many things I have forget, or took as a granted.

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Equality, that is one of the things I have started to appreciate even more after my time being in somewhere else than in Finland. You can really feel the difference when you cross the border of my homeland (and by no means it is perfect in Finland either, but I can see and feel the difference). Things like free education, which I have took as a granted  before, feels like one the biggest privileged I’ve got in my entire life. Even when media has become biased everywhere and there is propaganda in all of the sides, the fact that I can a) think as I want about things b) I’m encourage to look critically the  sources I use c) say my thoughts out loud, in any media I want and whomever I like is something that is not reality to everyone in this world. Actually it is quite small percentage of the population of the human beings that are able to do that. I’ve started to see world different, and same time see that things I complained about before… might have not been actual issues.

Shenzhen5

The stories about people working 24/7  in a factories don’t seem that far away anymore. It does not sound fairy tale to make you feel bad, it is actually happening. All the time, everywhere. There is stories about the fact that human nature is this way, that how this is the way ‘the world rolls’. But when we will have enough of suffering, financial crises, recessions, killing… when the line will be crossed hands are thrown up in the air. When we will admit that maybe it is time to change the way of thinking? When we are brave enough to question all the things we are willing to buy and get in the sake of ‘happiness’? When in real world only few, or none of those things have to do with happiness. Society has created the way we have to think, and it has pour it into our heads since early childhood. We won’t even notice that this is not how I am thinking, this is how I was taught to think. Are we too afraid to question ourselves and our motives behind our actions?

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I have no answers to these questions, and there is me who loves to dress up and do shopping, me who likes to see ‘sales’ …. everywhere, who reacts back to the way things are marketed to us, me who thinks the way I was thought to think, me who put labels everywhere and sometimes acts in ways that I shouldn’t, me who hurts other people for purposes I don’t even know, me who is proud of my accomplishments, me who is selfish and silly.

So, where do all of this leads to?

“Life, the Universe, and Everything. There is an answer. But, I’ll have to think about it”

42.