I’ve got a few questions relating ‘42’ and where it is coming from so I thought I would give you a bit more of me in the following post. I hope it clears ‘42’ a bit more and why I’ve chosen to approach writing and this channel the way I’ve done it. In any case, I’ve always wanted to be able to make people think, discuss and share their views of life, opinions and well just anything. I’m by nature curious. Writing for me is a way to put my thoughts together in a slower and more throughout way as I’m in real life conversations usually quick and vocal. Writing nurtures the other side of me. It is a way for me to express myself with time and thought. Therefore, my writing shares a quite a different side of me, something that is not evident in me at a first glance nor you might not even see it even if you know me. However, I don’t want this blog to be solely about me, it is one way for me to explore ‘42’ but just to give some insights about me (I feel super awkward when photographed, I can work selfies but when I need to pose for someone else, well see below):I cry when I feel that the burden of the world or society is too much for me to take. I lock myself inside of my house for a weekend when I feel that I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. I open like a rose when I meet a person I feel comfortable with but at the same time I might just turn into an iceberg when I feel the opposite. I try to be the open-minded person and try to be aware of my prejudices but still, I fail at times and make assumptions that might not hold true in that specific situation. I want to have a career and be independent as fuck but at the same time I want to buy tickets to the Maldives with you and spend two weeks between sheets and ocean. I want to be able to do things alone but I still miss you by my side during the nights. I know how to be extra but still, I wish that for you I will be enough without icing on the cake. I try my best to be there for my friends and family, the gratefulness of having people around that takes you as who you are is huge but still, at the times, I fail to be a good person towards them.I get excited about things aka hyped up and when I do I’m unstoppable but I do have days when I wonder why on earth I’m even trying. I have a constant battle within me about ‘staying’ and ‘going’ and I can’t live without either one of them. I’m confident, honest and straight but at the same time, I’m insecure, shy and quiet. I wonder almost daily, why are we here? What is the reason we act in certain ways? Are we really so simple that we run around after our instincts? Whose illusion I’m living? With whose eyes I’m seeing myself? What am I doing here (literally)? Who is this person, why he/she is as they are? What should I eat today? What book I should pick up next? Should I really publish this text? How will I make my quota this month? Why he/she is not getting it? Why I’m not getting it? How I should approach certain topic to make my point clear? How can I actively listen, when I’m so horny I can’t even stay still? Did I say the right thing? How can I make myself understand the world better? What is the hidden agenda in this text/speech/conversation? Why I feel lost? What do I want from life? How to accept that you’re not able to grasp anything as a whole you only have a fraction of everything, even yourself? What ‘time’ means? What is wrong with me? Why I feel so insecure about my looks today? Why do I like this person? Why he/she is not seeing the potential in them I see? Am I stupid? How can I be more gentle towards myself? Where can I find a good cup of coffee? What is the meaning of life? 42.42, is from Douglas Adams: Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, it is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. I find numbers fascinating, they really don’t tell anything before you choose to build a story around them and well, then my 42 looks quite different from yours, doesn’t it? Further, I also like the light-hearted joke in the ‘42’ as it is not telling anything, even though it is is a solid scientific answer. So, I can approach ‘42’ with a light heart, with a seriousness it needs but embrace the irony, complexity, and paradoxes it brings to me. I could call this blog ‘Meaning of life by miladyopri’ but it really sounds dull, it doesn’t resonate the same way as 42.
Any questions? Leave a comment I try to answer.
Pictures are from beloved Helsinki, Finland.