Plug in Baby

It took me over like a wave. First, I didn’t realise why all of a sudden I was going through such an intense emotions. There is nothing particularly exciting about downloading Photoshop on a computer. Of course, I can’t lie, I was quite excited about this fact because it was one of those things I’ve been postponing for (insert all possible excuses here) too long. However, this wave of emotions was something I’ve long forgotten. Throughout feeling that flows inside of you and you think; why on earth I feel like crying? Not because you feel sad or hurt but because of the overall understanding of something sweet, something that once you were not able to quite grasp. A memory, which is not like a sharp blade anymore, it will not cut it how it used to be. Now, it is more gentle, it accepts and understands better. It is there, it is part of my story, it is something that happened to me, to us.

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I’m looking at it with the glasses of life, it is not black it is not white, it is the perfect combination of all those intense feelings but time has moulded it into this unbelievable extraordinary feeling I was reacting with my whole body and mind. Earlier that day my friends were showing pictures from Japan where they’ve just been. I stop them when I saw a picture of 4 LPs they have bought, apparently, all of them are from a Japanese band called Fox Capture Plan. I’ve never heard about them before but I thought maybe I should give them a shot and later that night I picked one of their albums randomly in Spotify and pressed play and started my mission for the night; download Lightroom and Photoshop.

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My kind of favourite album is something that works as a one piece, something that flows from one track to another. Therefore I rarely look at the tracks before I give an album a shot. Only on limited occasions if a specific song stands out, I go back to check the name of it and even more rarely I add it to a playlist. There was something special about a song that was on from a random Fox Capture Plan album. Melody was so familiar, it shook me like a blender, right into the memory land. What is this? Where I’ve heard this song before?? And I go check the song…realising it is a cover…it is a cover of a song I’ve not heard in years. A song that connects so tightly to a certain place and time in my life. You really can’t escape the distinct melody of this song. It might be a good rock song but when you add a spice of a memory to go with it, the meaning of the song cannot equal anymore only to its musical value. It equals to the memory, clearly even when the rock song transforms into a modern jazz cover leaving the electric guitar out which basically makes the original song. So, plug in baby, bring it on. I didn’t remember how you used to make me feel. How you clearly can still take me miles away.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the songs, here are the links to original Muse song and cover by Fox Capture Plan:

Pics are from Malmö, Sweden.

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Hello Helsinki

I’m wondering, how did I end up here? Just to notice that I miss home. Home, such a weird word for me, I thought I would never experience such a thing. I thought I would feel like an outsider everywhere for the rest of my life but suddenly, like a plot twist, I realised that I miss Helsinki. All of it grew stronger while I was visiting Finland during the winter holidays. Home, could it be that even though I’ve tried to find it in more than one corner in this world, it was right in front of my eyes. And I don’t want to twist it, I needed all the memories to come to the point in my life where I could say; MAYBE it is Helsinki where I should be. Maybe, because to be sure is like saying never, that kind of a commitment to one place is too much. I cannot say ‘I would never live anywhere else than…’ that would be self-denial. But at the moment, for this time and place, it feels right. And that is new too, that something feels right.

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I left Finland a year ago because I missed adventure but what kind of an adventure I missed? I think I’ve got it twisted, I’ve always had my way to go, my trademark. Whenever, wherever I can go but what it means to stay? My way to build life has been in ‘go’ not in ‘stay’. Looking from a different perspective, it might seem that you need courage and fearlessness to live in different countries or study in different languages but to me, this is the norm, to me ‘stay’ means courage and fearlessness. I’ve never demand such a thing from myself, I feel that it would take away part of my freedom. And to feel free…freedom is something that I value highly. However, could it be that these two things can be present in my life at the same time? It’s like having my roots on the ground but my head up in the sky. Can ‘stay’ and ‘free’ be merged together or is this a classic example of trying to eat two cakes at the same time?

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I’m willing to try and balance this out in Helsinki. It took me some time and unexpected happenings last year to end up applying for roles back in Finland. And I did put my name into a contract for a new job last week and made the decision to come home. How it is going to unfold from here, I don’t know, I wish though to find a piece of ‘stay’ in me without compromising my freedom. That is the recipe I’ve tried to create and it seems that with try and error I’ve started to find ingredients I need to create a life that smells, tastes and looks like me.

København <3

Copenhagen, you’re a stunning little city. You amaze me every day with your colourfulness and petite outlook. The lively yet relaxed atmosphere in cafes, restaurants and cocktail bars gives a bit of an edge to this place. You’re welcoming but you’re a lot like your Nordic cousin, more than you probably realise. It is extremely hard to crack your ice and it takes time and hard work, in a way you seem a bit weird but different way than strangeness in Helsinki. But still, your strangeness is endearing and it makes you who you are. I’m extremely proud that I have stories to tell from two Nordic systems and I’m honoured to have the opportunity to live my life in countries that share same value ground. But it is time to say goodbye at least for now, therefore I decided to blast rest of the post with pictures from last year. Just because you’re awesome, look at you, you little big thing! Look how much you’ve given to me, more than I can express with my words. You will always stay in my memories as a place of growth. And yes, you did introduce intuition back into my decision making.

And to feel free…

Mad & Kaffe

In spite of my last post, I decided to continue to talk a bit about the cafe culture here in Copenhagen. Today, I went to Mad & Kaffe. I’ve been postponing my visit for an almost a year because the place is in Vesterbro (just to Google a bit around now to notice that there is another location in Amagerbro…) which is in another side of the town from where I live. The visit was good, although I had to wait for a nice while outside because the place was jam-packed but luckily I got blanket to keep myself warm before getting a seat. Mad & Kaffe has a nice menu, you choose 3-7 different dishes for a brunch. Besides this you can order beverages, I had a coffee as per usual and 5 different dishes.

I see why it is one of ‘the places’ to get a brunch in Copenhagen. All the dishes are well thought out, they are not too big or small in terms of the size, spices and ingredients are complementary to each other (like I would know that much about food, but aye! at least I’m trying :D) and dishes are served on a wooden platter. I don’t know from where this trend started but it is part of the scene now and I don’t complain, I like it, a girl from the woods likes wood, what a surprise!

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Back to the Mad&Kaffe, the atmosphere within the cafe is warm and welcoming. It could be described as hipster like but I think it goes beyond that, it is more of a good top 10 hit song. There is something for everyone without compromising the concept. Everything runs smoothly as a hit song is supposed to, you get different flavours but they are not too weird for you to understand but at the same time there is that little something that makes it stand out from the crowd. It is a place where you want to go to have a nice set of different tastes made out from good ingredients but if you’re looking for an experience that shakes you to the core, like a song you need to listen 10 times before you get even a grip to understand what is going on, Mad&Kaffe would not be the place.

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However, Mad&Kaffe is definitely one of the best places I’ve visited in Copenhagen for a brunch, coffee was also exceptionally good for a place that is more known for their food. It was right there in quality with cafes solely based in terms of coffee. Should I try to get there again and possibly earlier than a year from now? Definitely.

CPH & Coffee pt.2

It has been a while since my last post about coffee. I thought it would be a good idea to start this year with another post about the cafes in Copenhagen. You can find my earlier post about coffee from Copenhagen in here (and two previous once from Helsinki in here and here)! And as per usual, if there is a place I should definitely visit, let me know. I’m always hunting ‘a damn fine cup of coffee’.

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I love small places with comfy atmosphere combined with a nice menu and good coffee. At the moment, I must say that one of the nicest experiences from Copenhagen in terms of service, atmosphere, and the food was in the Next Door Cafe. I love coziness, service that is welcoming but not too formal, this is exactly a place where you want to go to have that informal, unique kind of experience. You’re treated like a friend and what I loved about the staff was that they didn’t have a certain uniform or look, everyone was who they are and it just added a little spice into the mix. The place is like a good old rock song, it always gets you going, gives the boost you need and afterward you feel a bit younger. I had pancakes, juice, and coffee for a late breakfast. In terms of coffee, it was good a bit too hot for my taste (there is a high chance that steamed milk which is too hot will give a burn taste and diminish actual taste of the bean…) but in this case, it was nice cup of coffee, not perfect but hey, if the playlist includes classics like Video kill the radio star or The Passenger you can’t help but put that 4 star stamp on it.

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I’ve visited in several cafes from The Coffee Collective in Copenhagen. My latest try was in Bernikow shop, it is a nice place with also a cocktail menu. If we get back to music, Nina Simone’s tunes were playing whole time I was visiting, therefore I can only give credit to having one of my favourite singers supplementing my morning coffee. The place itself is a mix of harbour themed paintings, with wood and green from the plants that are placed all over the shop. I’m trying to find the words to describe the place, it somehow reminded me of an old jazz restaurant, with a hint from botanical gardens and spiced up with a bit of modernity. One could call it sophisticated, but by no means it is stubborn. It is a place, where you have life, but not too much noise, you can sit and relax, drink your coffee and enjoy some jazz melodies at the same time. Coffee is one of the best in town and croissant was delicious.

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Comparing these two cafes is like trying to compare Iggy Pop to Edith Piaf, both of them are great but in such a different way, that it comes more to personal preferences rather than actual differences in quality. If you’re looking for a place to have nice food in a relaxed, informal atmosphere you would choose Next Door Cafe, but if you’re looking for an excellent cup of coffee, you would go and get it from The Coffee Collective. Both of them are superb but on their own terms.

Hey Jude!

I was finding my way in London underground at the end of 2017 when someone in distance started to whistle a song. The melody of it was way too familiar but I or anyone from my group wasn’t able to remember the name of the song. It bothered me but I had so much to do back in the London town, so I let it be for a while until 1st of January 2018 to be specific. London has a special place in my memory land, I was 10 when I visited the town for the first time and since then I have created memories in the city with several different people. It has delivered for me so much, from my first musical experiences (Cats) to two memorable New Years and more than once it has served as a platform for experiences which has been far from ordinary, in good and in bad.

London represents to me a place, where everything is possible, it was the first stop back in 2010 when I started my internship in Birmingham, it was in my dreams as the next step in 2014 after finishing my exchange semester in Nottingham, but I ended up in Shenzhen and now, when the year of 2018 is still an open book it was more than natural to celebrate end of 2017 with group of friends I haven’t seen since our trip to Bali. But back into the song, we decided to see the fireworks on New Year’s Eve in Primrose Hill, this was actually a nice change. Back in the end of 2013, we were close to London Eye, this time we were far away from the center but the atmosphere in Primrose Hill was real and hopeful towards the new year with a hint of togetherness. And all of a sudden when the clock was 00.00 there was a group who started to sing a song…

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder… (The Beatles – Hey Jude)

…the song we had heard in the underground few days ago. It was a perfect way to start the new year and as an icing on a cake, all this comes to back into my childhood when I used to put my mothers Beatles albums into stereos and jam into the tunes. So, Hey Jude, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. 2018 I’m ready for you!

Pics are naturally from London.

Meaning of Nothingness

It is somehow hard to put my mind anywhere, it feels like I would be here, now, but what does it mean? Absence of meaning makes it hard to make decisions. Sense of nothingness, overall idea that we would really have some say in our lives, but I feel powerless facing the faceless. It lurks in every aspect of my being, nothing really doesn’t matter. Matter itself, this ideal that there is meaning for us in here. If there is, I’ve lost it and it seems that I can’t find it. What gives us meaning?

830394448I typed the question into my browser and pressed search, waiting for an answer ’42’ to appear in my screen. It is just a number, piece of data, meaningless without understanding how it is created. Is it same with our lives, are we too anxious to look at KPIs that we set for ourselves? ‘Meaning of it all, exceeding the expectations!’ We focus so much on the outcomes that we forget, what it is that actually creates those numbers. What is worth of a spreadsheet of numbers if you don’t know how you collected and created the data in the spreadsheet? Is it really our purpose to have this run-race for everything, measuring what we are in the face of society in this competition conducted by something invisible. And most of the time we are blind to even notice that we are once again on that race horse. Or were we ever off it?

1100035931Blind to notice, but what is it then we are suppose to notice? I’m struggling a lot with the idea of ‘knowing what I want’ and I wonder…’where to get the answer, silly thought to think the answer knows where to go‘, what kind of picture I’m creating, how is all of this supposed to tied up to a story? My story, it seems that I don’t own it, I’m just moving along with time, without understanding or noticing the underlying active network, which is shaping my life.

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Pics are from Copenhagen from past few months.

Sunrise

One of those little moments of despair, which turn out to be something brilliant, beautiful and stunning at the same time. You feel the wind against your face, your hair flying in the air like birds flying to the south at this time of the year. There is nothing that calms me down as ocean, the sound of it, how it hits the rocks. The size, how it is same time so overwhelming but present, its movements feel so throughout but same time unpredictable, just like life. And they say, it’s always darkest before the dawn, and when those colours of the dawn hit the sky, like a Monet’s painting, one feels so small. Every inch of my body wanted to just stay in that spot. In that spot, where you just breath in, breath out and wish that you would remember how it feels like to be present in a moment, after seconds when beauty of the sunrise has moved away and day takes its power back:

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Pictures are from Amager Strandpark, Copenhagen

Why so serious? It is 28 o’clock!

28 o’clock and as I’m getting back on track or more precise on that motorcycle that I’ve left in my garage a while a back. So, I’m going to change that scooter I’ve been driving steadily this year back to multitasking University and work combo. I’ve been relatively quiet about the fact that I’m starting studies soon again. I was accepted to Masters this spring and besides continuing rocking with AdWords I will start lectures again too. All these autumn colours and weather forecast anticipates also that birthday is knocking on my door. And I’m opening that door with a confusion and big smile on. Smile, well because what else (Caaaaaaaaake)? Confusion, well because that is what I am nowadays. Confusing but same time happy (most of the time). I went through pics from Bologna and I found this quote from Dali Experience:

‘What is important is to spread confusion not eliminate it.’

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This just kind of supported me to spread that confusion around me a bit more. Although I think Universe has also put its joker on a table or maybe I’m wrong with that and it might have been only 2 cents. Anyhow I’m looking forward end of this year with an excitement and curiosity. Additionally I’m trying to find a new tone for myself when it comes to writing. I think there is a bit of my spark missing from the texts and I’m looking for to find a way to bring it back into photos and/or writing. So, what to expect? Most likely me spreading same amount of confusion as before in my text with pictures of places I’ve been to (I’m in a process of getting new lens for my Nikon so that could shift a bit of my focus in photography).

Pictures are from Bologna, Paris and Copenhagen

Wild West

Hello, from the lonely writer’s island. I’m looking at that blank space on my computer screen, trying to find some words to describe anything. Lately I’ve end up with questions, numerous questions but I can’t come up with other content. I feel like there would be so much to say but at the same time there is none. Calm before storm? Am I just over it? I’m wondering. What if there is only certain amount of words one could use and my bank is empty. Mostly, it just feels like I’m stuck in the same old pattern, like I would be repeating myself again, again and again. How much one needs to push before change can happen? I have glimpse of a memory how it felt like, when you feel the need to write. Without thinking, without forced effort.

I miss it, I miss that feeling to just describe life. Maybe it is more than that, I miss feeling, touching, experiencing, being curious, laugh wholeheartedly. Stableness, I don’t understand it. It is unfamiliar to me and when I try to live in that world, first thing in my mind is just to take off like a storm. My comfort zone is in change, not because it would be easy but it keeps mind busy. But being stable in one place, I’m so afraid that I will miss something. We have only one life, what if I don’t have time to see it all? I end up with yes –syndrome, because every no, is a no in my eyes for a possible greatness. This is why I struggle to say no, even at moments my intuition is screaming no.

So, here I am sitting on my bed wishing to find that lost flow. In that life I wanted, what I wished for but I still struggle. I’m independent to a fault, because it is all I’ve ever known. So, how do you make zebra’s stripes vanish? How do you mild the fire for exploring? Or do you just put more fuel into the fire and let that passion for exploring flow stronger than ever before?

Pictures are from Christiania, Copenhagen.