Hello, from the lonely writer’s island. I’m looking at that blank space on my computer screen, trying to find some words to describe anything. Lately I’ve end up with questions, numerous questions but I can’t come up with other content. I feel like there would be so much to say but at the same time there is none. Calm before storm? Am I just over it? I’m wondering. What if there is only certain amount of words one could use and my bank is empty. Mostly, it just feels like I’m stuck in the same old pattern, like I would be repeating myself again, again and again. How much one needs to push before change can happen? I have glimpse of a memory how it felt like, when you feel the need to write. Without thinking, without forced effort.
I miss it, I miss that feeling to just describe life. Maybe it is more than that, I miss feeling, touching, experiencing, being curious, laugh wholeheartedly. Stableness, I don’t understand it. It is unfamiliar to me and when I try to live in that world, first thing in my mind is just to take off like a storm. My comfort zone is in change, not because it would be easy but it keeps mind busy. But being stable in one place, I’m so afraid that I will miss something. We have only one life, what if I don’t have time to see it all? I end up with yes –syndrome, because every no, is a no in my eyes for a possible greatness. This is why I struggle to say no, even at moments my intuition is screaming no.
So, here I am sitting on my bed wishing to find that lost flow. In that life I wanted, what I wished for but I still struggle. I’m independent to a fault, because it is all I’ve ever known. So, how do you make zebra’s stripes vanish? How do you mild the fire for exploring? Or do you just put more fuel into the fire and let that passion for exploring flow stronger than ever before?
Pictures are from Christiania, Copenhagen.