I decided few weeks back to take another look on Sex and the City, it was almost decade from the last time I watched all the episodes. Besides ‘oh dear, I understand all of this so much better than 10 years ago’ –phrases I was telling to everyone I had social contact with, it got me thinking love and relationships. When it comes to end of the series Carrie defines love as follows:
‘I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.’
How our society defines love? What is love? And most importantly, is love inconvenient and consuming? What I have find difficult in past years is; how to define love. I can tell more than dozens of things that are not love but does it take me closer to essence of love or will these descriptions reduce my ability to understand the concept. Above quote in my reality describes feeling called ‘falling in love’ rather than love itself. Consuming reflects to something that will take away, something that will wear out and what is left after? If love would be inconvenient and consuming, in the end would all of us be just drained out from juice. Waiting for a refill and if we don’t get it, how it would left us feel? And more importantly, what extend we would be willing to go to get that refill? When we are looking for something, we have clear image of what it is supposed to be. Are we then just making expectations on how that special someone should behave in all situations and when that person does not act according to that box we have created for them, are we then putting a label ‘not love’ on it without hesitation?
Are we looking for answers from outer world, when in reality we should look inwards? That feeling of sensation; ‘I need you and can’t live without you’ to hinder our inner conflicts. Like we would wait someone to make us sane in a world that most of the time seems insane to us. In a way pushing responsibility of our own life into hands of someone else, waiting for Prince Charm to fight his way through us and giving us sense of reason by waking us up with a kiss. Or the other way around, fighting and chasing our way to the princess like a price that is to be win in a race. But on the other side of the spectrum, are we able to love (romantically speaking) without first falling in love? And how do we survive from that transition of falling in love to love. And if some of us are capable to do that, why it is so? And what kind of traits we should have to understand the difference and importance of this transition. And if we are to keep sexuality in relationship after the falling part should we make clearer distinction between love and lust? Because in falling in love these two are inseparable but does love include lust? Or are these separate entities which are triggered by different algorithm? And if so, is the magic trick to keep both of these entities alive to create a long lasting satisfying relationship? Even though it would never have the same sensation of sameness that is linked to falling in love.
Pics are from Arken Museum of Modern Art, I highly recommend if you’re visiting CPH