I started to write this post already a couple weeks back but because I had some difficulties to put it up in public it is here now. Pics are from Copenhagen from the past weeks, I will do separate post from Helsingør where I went yesterday. But now on to the post I kind of don’t want to and same time want to write.
Today on this perfect sunny day I decided to pay a visit to some of the tourist spots here in Copenhagen (also I continued a search of that n.1 Café Latte in here more about that on next post). But while exploring the city and doing one of my favourite things (photographing) I did get that blue cloud above my head. And I could choose to ignore it and just write a post about what I did today, show these pics that I took on a perfect day. I just chose to take this post into another direction, maybe one could say to the shadows 😀
Sometimes, it is just damn hard to do stuff alone. There it is, I said it. I’m that person who would want to act like that sentence is not happening in life, like that could be something that I can happily just put into a box and send it to somewhere (READ: meaning that this doing things alone would not get me, it does). Today was one of those days that as much as I enjoyed photographing (I got some sweet shots) and spending some quality time with myself, I just kind of wished I could have shared it with someone. This would not be the first time, I remember quite clearly one of the most overwhelming moments in my life when I was standing in Central, Hong Kong looking back to TST and just cried. Because I was somewhere where I always wanted to be. But inside I felt so lonely it was painful. As a consequence of equation of trying to cope with that pain and dream coming true I just didn’t find any other way to deal with that situation than being by the water and cry my eyes out. Today’s feeling was more like a whining undertone trying its best to ruin my day. But still, as far as I’m standing with my own two feet as an independent woman, I still can’t help myself of feeling isolated every here and there from the world because I do so much alone.
Isolation is hard, it is that feeling of being an elephant in an antique store or that you would wear a cap with Las Vegas lights screaming in all colours and sparkles ‘WEIRDO’ ‘ALIEN’ ‘KEEP AWAY YOU MIGHT GET HURT’. Which of course inside of your head turns into behaviour pattern of trying to act as normal as you can (for me trying this is most of the time quite hard… in other words; I think I just don’t deliver this ‘normal’ well). As a consequence you might as well look like a lost little puppy, which is not helping that mission of not being noticed. And I’ve been going this thing over and under, sidewalks and highway and come to the conclusion that some of the traits I have in me, I can’t fully nourish when I’m alone (of course this goes other way around too there are things that I prefer to do alone).
I’m a bit shy (everyone who knows me, yes this happens 😀 ) when I’m alone and this has an effect on me when I’m taking photos. Sometimes I might not take a shot just because I feel that I might disturb someone or will be out of my ‘normal zone’ and surprisingly I usually feel not to be in that ‘normal zone’ when I’m with someone I feel comfortable to be with. Feelings of excitement (which I personally get from anything like today when I saw two swans eating in a pond) are supposed to be shared with someone, they bottle up inside and withers without expression. Sharing parts of your life in somewhere else than in social media gives you a sense of belonging. Therefore, one of the most hardest things when moving a place or traveling a longer time alone is not how to do things by yourself. The hard part is when you feel like sharing a moment with someone else and you can’t.